Sunday, November 15, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Standardized Testing... Oh What Fun!
Today was day two of the three day saga that is state standardized testing season at my school. As you know I teach juniors who presumably have passed this battery of tests last year and consequently I do not have to proctor the first two days. Oh, I am so grateful for this small gift. This means that I have had two, 3 1/2 hour planning periods this week. Before you go getting all jealous and hatin' on me you should know that tomorrow I will be proctoring the science portion of the test and have been told numerous times that "this test don't count for shit, Miss." So I'm expecting really good turn out and high levels of task commitment.
Let's recount the last two days, shall we? DAY ONE- extended first period. Normally 30 students. 4 actually came. I teach IB students first period- the best and the brightest our school has to offer (yeah, right). In all honesty they are great kids but even great kids get on your last damn nerve after 3 hours. :) I was asked by one of my colleagues to "quiet my students down" I bristled. If there's one thing I am proud of it's that my students behave. Of course they're scared to death not to since I zapped that one kid with my tazer. I am kidding... they're just good kids. It seemed as though my students, 4 of the 8 kids in the media center, were making so much noise reading and studying that my colleague couldn't concentrate to work on his MASTER'S THESIS. Naturally he failed to notice the that noise was coming from his 3 seniors. I'm sorry that my students were interrupting the homework you should have been doing AT HOME!
Once I graded the gargantuan stack of papers I schlepped down to the media center, did I mention I couldn't be in my own classroom because they were using it to test freshmen? Once I graded the papers and my students had all the reading and studying they could handle, we engaged in a highly competitive game of Scrabble. Yes, competitive. You didn't think I was going to let them win did you? I can't stand to lose not even to a 16 year old. Overall it was a productive period of time. I felt really accomplished.
DAY TWO- All grading was pretty much done. Schlepped lesson planbooks down to the media center this morning. Yes, BOOKS.. I teach two preps so I keep two books. Makes me feel all important. Insert eye roll here. I planned on getting caught up, no pun intended, but that plan failed miserably. I just couldn't committ. Oh, and guess how many kids showed up this morning? If you guessed none you'd be correct. So, I spent my time reading Smithsonian magazine and surfed Amazon.com for a bit. Ordered two books. The Arrival by Shaun Tan, graphic novel about immigration. It's really beautiful. Also, a non-fiction text by Chris Rose called One Dead in Attic about New Orleans in the aftermath of Katrina. Saw the guy on the Anthony Bourdain show No Reservations. Let's see, after that I made some phone calls. Made an appointment to have my hair colored as it's perilously close to my natural color again, and that's a lot more gray than I thought! Got an appointment for a pedicure because it's sandal weather again and before I go scaring young children with my feet I better get 'em done... So that was my morning... how was yours?
Let's recount the last two days, shall we? DAY ONE- extended first period. Normally 30 students. 4 actually came. I teach IB students first period- the best and the brightest our school has to offer (yeah, right). In all honesty they are great kids but even great kids get on your last damn nerve after 3 hours. :) I was asked by one of my colleagues to "quiet my students down" I bristled. If there's one thing I am proud of it's that my students behave. Of course they're scared to death not to since I zapped that one kid with my tazer. I am kidding... they're just good kids. It seemed as though my students, 4 of the 8 kids in the media center, were making so much noise reading and studying that my colleague couldn't concentrate to work on his MASTER'S THESIS. Naturally he failed to notice the that noise was coming from his 3 seniors. I'm sorry that my students were interrupting the homework you should have been doing AT HOME!
Once I graded the gargantuan stack of papers I schlepped down to the media center, did I mention I couldn't be in my own classroom because they were using it to test freshmen? Once I graded the papers and my students had all the reading and studying they could handle, we engaged in a highly competitive game of Scrabble. Yes, competitive. You didn't think I was going to let them win did you? I can't stand to lose not even to a 16 year old. Overall it was a productive period of time. I felt really accomplished.
DAY TWO- All grading was pretty much done. Schlepped lesson planbooks down to the media center this morning. Yes, BOOKS.. I teach two preps so I keep two books. Makes me feel all important. Insert eye roll here. I planned on getting caught up, no pun intended, but that plan failed miserably. I just couldn't committ. Oh, and guess how many kids showed up this morning? If you guessed none you'd be correct. So, I spent my time reading Smithsonian magazine and surfed Amazon.com for a bit. Ordered two books. The Arrival by Shaun Tan, graphic novel about immigration. It's really beautiful. Also, a non-fiction text by Chris Rose called One Dead in Attic about New Orleans in the aftermath of Katrina. Saw the guy on the Anthony Bourdain show No Reservations. Let's see, after that I made some phone calls. Made an appointment to have my hair colored as it's perilously close to my natural color again, and that's a lot more gray than I thought! Got an appointment for a pedicure because it's sandal weather again and before I go scaring young children with my feet I better get 'em done... So that was my morning... how was yours?
Monday, February 16, 2009
Feeding Frenzy
One of the urban myths I like to perpetuate about myself is that I am like a shark. I can smell even the tee-iniest bit of blood in the water and it excites me the way a great white is excited by a bucket of chum. Of course I don't mean literal blood, more like cheating or otherwise academic dishonesty, but the effect is pretty much the same.
For the past several weeks my students have been working in cooperative groups, that's a blog unto itself one day, on various short stories. Each group has been responsible for reading, learning and researching the author and the short story. They then, in turn, teach the class. No big deal. It's a lesson that's been done to death in classrooms across this great land of ours. My experience is no different.
Inevitably there is one group in each class that assumes they can b-s me. That they can answer my questions enough that they will be able to 'pull one over on the old lady.' Oh countraire mon amis...
So group 2, we'll call them, gets up and begins to regale their peers with a synopsis of Thomas Wolfe's "The Far and The Near", only wonders upon wonders, they are making crap up. I'm sitting at my desk, mouth agape and eyes bulging out. I am giving them my best "are you nuts" look and they keep right on going. At this point I begin to get a little irritated, ok A LOT irritated. I am offended that they think I am as dumb as they obviously think their classmates are. Soooo.. I begin to play along. I ask the only young lady in the group to have a seat. I have just a few more questions to ask her peers. She does so and there is an audible GULP sound from the remaining stooges. I begin with some low level red herrings... they take the bait. One young woman raises her chin defiantly and begins to challenge me and my made up questions about things that didn't really happen in the story. I finally circle in for the kill, again a metaphor not a real act of violence for you bleeding hearts. So, Missy can you tell me how did the woman react when the old man, the conductor, asked for her hand in marriage? There's a loooooooong pause, some nail biting and then finally, Oh she was surprised, Miss. She was just really surprised. I press on. Oh, was she? Why do you suppose that was? She pauses again... well, see Miss... she was surprised because she didn't see it coming. Didn't see it coming, indeed I scoff. Do you think, I ask letting out a little line, do you think that she didn't see it coming as you say because there WAS NO STUPID PROPOSAL? THAT I MADE THE WHOLE THING UP BECAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T READ THE STORY? Ohh the look on the faces of those children was PRICELESS I tell you. I couldn't help myself. I smelled the blood. I had to attack. You really can't blame the shark for doing what sharks do can you? I mean really it was all about instinct then. I cannot adequately express the joy I felt in this little game. It was beautiful.
Just so you don't get the impression that I am a heartless wench I guess I should give you some redeeming little tidbit about how I offered the young people a chance to make amends and to earn back some of the credit they lost in their stunt. But... that would be a lie.
For the past several weeks my students have been working in cooperative groups, that's a blog unto itself one day, on various short stories. Each group has been responsible for reading, learning and researching the author and the short story. They then, in turn, teach the class. No big deal. It's a lesson that's been done to death in classrooms across this great land of ours. My experience is no different.
Inevitably there is one group in each class that assumes they can b-s me. That they can answer my questions enough that they will be able to 'pull one over on the old lady.' Oh countraire mon amis...
So group 2, we'll call them, gets up and begins to regale their peers with a synopsis of Thomas Wolfe's "The Far and The Near", only wonders upon wonders, they are making crap up. I'm sitting at my desk, mouth agape and eyes bulging out. I am giving them my best "are you nuts" look and they keep right on going. At this point I begin to get a little irritated, ok A LOT irritated. I am offended that they think I am as dumb as they obviously think their classmates are. Soooo.. I begin to play along. I ask the only young lady in the group to have a seat. I have just a few more questions to ask her peers. She does so and there is an audible GULP sound from the remaining stooges. I begin with some low level red herrings... they take the bait. One young woman raises her chin defiantly and begins to challenge me and my made up questions about things that didn't really happen in the story. I finally circle in for the kill, again a metaphor not a real act of violence for you bleeding hearts. So, Missy can you tell me how did the woman react when the old man, the conductor, asked for her hand in marriage? There's a loooooooong pause, some nail biting and then finally, Oh she was surprised, Miss. She was just really surprised. I press on. Oh, was she? Why do you suppose that was? She pauses again... well, see Miss... she was surprised because she didn't see it coming. Didn't see it coming, indeed I scoff. Do you think, I ask letting out a little line, do you think that she didn't see it coming as you say because there WAS NO STUPID PROPOSAL? THAT I MADE THE WHOLE THING UP BECAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T READ THE STORY? Ohh the look on the faces of those children was PRICELESS I tell you. I couldn't help myself. I smelled the blood. I had to attack. You really can't blame the shark for doing what sharks do can you? I mean really it was all about instinct then. I cannot adequately express the joy I felt in this little game. It was beautiful.
Just so you don't get the impression that I am a heartless wench I guess I should give you some redeeming little tidbit about how I offered the young people a chance to make amends and to earn back some of the credit they lost in their stunt. But... that would be a lie.
Updates...
My dear, if not dumb, student, John was finally expelled. You see, he did not learn his lesson from his last run in with the law, as it were. He was caught with possession and intent to distribute WEED, again! The boy is as thick as a brick, I swear. I suppose now he's someone else's problem. Wink! Wink! Nudge! Nudge!
Monday, January 26, 2009
Melancholy?
Melancholy? Miss, that ain't a word. Yes, sweetheart it is. I've never heard it before. That doesn't mean it's not a word, sweetheart. Hmmm... You sure?
That is the highlight of my day today. Actual conversation had by student and me. I don't even know what to say about that.
That is the highlight of my day today. Actual conversation had by student and me. I don't even know what to say about that.
Monday, January 12, 2009
A stupefying act of genius
The following anecdote is yet another example of the complete brainiacs I'm dealing with on a daily basis. I've changed the names to protect the guilty and the stupid. Jack, a student in my regular English III class, recently returned from a 10 day suspension. Unfortunately this is not all that unusual an occurrence in my regular class. Jack was suspended for possession and distribution of "weed." That's not the funny part. The funny part is how Jack got caught. Jack is a young man who clearly is not dealing with a full deck in the sound judgement category. Jack was in the midst of a serious business negotiation when his customer grabbed his stash and ran across campus leaving Jack without his money and his weed halfway across the school. Needless to say our boy Jack was dismayed and knew not what to do. So he did what any other victim of a crime would do. He went to the authorities. Yes, folks, that's right. Jack went to report that someone had perpetrated a crime upon him and in fact had "stole his weed!" This mental giant fully expected the local authorities, i.e. the deans who ride around on golf carts all day because their legs are indeed broken, to help him retrieve his "weed." AMAZING! I could not stop laughing when I heard this. Completely, honestly and innocently expected someone to help him get his weed back. Can you imagine? Oh dear lord... thank you for kids like Jack, who entertain me every day. Teaching, like the army, is not just a job, it's an adventure.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)