Reason 105: Why I Love My Job!

Hey there folks! It's been a while but let me assure you this next little ditty makes the wait worth it.

First, some background info. I am on the second floor of a really strategically located building. I can see 3 or 4 other buildings from my classroom windows at any given time. This is especially entertaining because I get a great view of skippers and smokers. It's awesome.

Just the other day my students and I were engaged in a deeply intellectual discussion of some sort and what should we notice on the balcony of the building across from us but a young person lighting a cigarette and enjoying the calming and soothing effects of a tar-laced carcinogen! It was magical! Unfortunately, this particular spot is well known to the smokers on our campus. It's relatively secluded, except that with my blinds open I can see every stinkin' thing that goes on over there! I guess when you're jonesing for a cigarette at 11am you can't really think too clearly and consider that you are not invisible.

So this one young person- let's call him Smokey, for lack of something far more creative- proceeds to light up and inhale deeply. My students are in awe... "Oh man, Miss...he's back again today!" "Yes, yes he is. Now, back to our discussion..." as if that could compete with the nicotine addict show across the way. Just when we were sort of back on track a student says, "Miss, look at him. He's making a fire!" "No, he isn't." I say as I look across the campus and see, that just as they said, he was, in fact, making a fire. The little fiend was making a pile of paper and then, right before my very eyes, proceeded to set it ablaze! "Holy smokes!" I shouted, pun clearly intended.

I walked over to the phone on my desk and called the dean's office to report our little firebug. One ringy dingy... two ringy dingy.... three ringy dingy... no answer! I dial the front desk... one ringy dingy...two ringy... three ringy dingy... no answer again. At this point I'm starting to panic because I'm certain that any second now the smoke from this pile of paper is going to set off some sort of alarm and we'll have to evacuate and the little snake will get away. In a last attempt to apprehend the offender I called my curriculum AP. Ever reliable, he picked up the phone! I report the incident and he dispatches the bumbling oafs that are our campus advisers, and who make the Key Stone Cops look good. They arrive in their noisy golf carts and wouldn't you know it- they spook the little twerp. I should add here that my students are now glued to the windows of my classroom with their phones filming! Shouts of "Miss, he's running to our building!" and "Miss, I got the whole thing on my phone!" and "Oh come on, Miss, let me go tackle him!"

So in his efforts to escape the po-po (the po-lice, where I come from) the young man with the wicked nicotine addiction manages to run right upstairs in my building! It was like Christmas come early for me! I step out into the hall and ask the miscreant if he has a pass. No answer. Just a blank look. I then ask him to come inside and have a seat in my classroom. And... are you ready for this? HE DOES! He comes in of his own volition and takes a seat. He watches me go over to the phone and call to report that the young man everyone's looking for is sitting my classroom. He does nothing. I am used to kids who would have "bucked" (translation: run off) the minute they saw me go for the phone, but not this kid. Nope. This kid sits as still as he possibly can. Once I hang up the phone, my students, who have been dying inside to say something to this kid, finally burst forth with their jubilation. "Dude... she has so busted you!" "Man, you are gonna get it!" and my personal favorite, spoken by the budding Martin Scorsese of our group, "Dude... We watched you set that fire and I've got it all on my phone. It's priceless, dude!" I slap my forehead because I'm sure the kid will run now, but no. He seems to be even more petrified and can't move at all. I can't believe what happened next. I started to soften. I know, it's like a miracle or something. I was beginning to feel sorry for the kid. Clearly, he was no hardened criminal lest he would have run for his life. This kid was actually sort of sad.

Long story sort of short the kid is apprehended and cops to the whole thing. Come to find out it's a manifestation of his disability and he was suspended for a day or two, I dunno. In some ways that takes the thrill out of the "get." Sort of. I mean c'mon- a get is a get!